On Criterion, I watched the 2024 documentary Goodbye Horses: The Many Lives of Q Lazzarus, directed by Eva Aridjis Fuentes, about the singer Diane Luckey, better known by her stage name Q Lazzarus, who had only one song released during her lifetime, the 1987 haunting synth ballad "Goodbye Horses," which became forever linked with a scene in The Silence of the Lambs during the serial killer Buffalo Bill's dance.
Q, originally from New Jersey, grew up singing in the church, and came out to New York City as a young woman in the late 1970s to make it as a singer, being influenced by rock like AC/DC, blues like Janis Joplin, soul like Aretha Franklin, and trying to figure out a place for herself to put it together as a Black woman singer. She worked as a backup singer and wrote jingles, but mainly worked as a cab driver to have more freedom and independence in her schedule. She made friends with the dancer Danny, formed a band, and created the stage name Q Lazzarus (explaining that Q came from the Alutiiq word Quiana, meaning "thank you," and Lazzarus as a Bible reference of a man named Lazarus being raised from the dead by Jesus). She kept being rejected by record companies who claimed to love her music, but didn't know how to market her, since her music didn't fit their narrow visions of what a Black female singer should be.
By chance, she met the director Jonathan Demme while driving him in her cab, and she was singing to herself, and he loved her voice, she played him her demo tape, and they exchanged information afterwards, and several months later, her son "Candle Goes Away" was included in his 1986 film Something Wild. In 1987, she and her friend Danny wrote and recorded "Goodbye Horses" in his East Village apartment, with their friend's Casio keyboard as the synth backing music. Demme included the song in his 1988 film Married to the Mob, and Q, tired of getting shut down by record companies in the U.S., moved to London and formed a band there, following the long line of Black American artists who were more appreciated in European countries than in their home country, like Josephine Baker and Nina Simone.
She lived in London for several years, played many clubs, and had a romantic relationship with her manager, Richard, who unfortunately introduced her to hard drugs and beginning her substance abuse disorder. She also still faced opposition from British record labels, not knowing how to market her music, and even after "Goodbye Horses" was featured in The Silence of the Lambs in 1991, and Q had a singing cameo in Demme's 1993 film Philadelphia, singing the Talking Heads' song "Heaven," she still couldn't catch a break to have a real record deal.
The second half of the documentary goes into Q's life after she largely disappeared from the public eye, and from her friends and family. She struggled with substance abuse, was unhoused in New York City, did sex work to survive, and found a kindred spirit in Bob, a fellow downtown eccentric who she met by chance on the street and had a drink with. She was going by Pam then, having shed her past as Q Lazzarus, and didn't tell Bob at first about her music past, claiming to have had been an RN, which he tells in his interview segment that he called her out on the lie when she asked him a health question, and he goes "How should I know?! You're the nurse!" and her going "I never said I was a nurse!" He says, "If she said she was a rock star I wouldn't have believed that."
Q married Bob, got sober after a stint at Riker's Island for drug charges and entering rehab, and they had a son, James (her Wikipedia page says she had two children, but only one is mentioned in the documentary), and moved to Staten Island, where she reconnected with her family and vowed to give James a more stable home life after the craziness of her previous life. James, now around 30, is involved in activism, as seen in the Black Lives Matters protests of 2020, and when Q sadly passed away from a sepsis infection following a broken leg in 2022, James calls out the hospital for malpractice and ignoring her as a woman of color, which is a sign of medical racism and bias against Black women patients who aren't believed or are mistreated in the medical field.
Q had a big personality, and she was a lot of fun to watch throughout the documentary, as Eva Aridjis was a fan of her song and did investigative work to find her, meeting her when getting picked up in her car service in 2019 in New York City. Q supplied her with many cassette tapes of her unsigned music, all her history as a rock singer in New York City and London, a mix of rock, dark wave, and synth pop.
I likely had heard "Goodbye Horses" from The Silence of the Lambs, but the song didn't stick with me then, I had heard it elsewhere by itself and really liked it, and mistakenly though that Q Lazzarus was a man, as the deep voice sounded masculine to me, but can read as androgynous. This documentary had been long in the works for the last few years, and it is bittersweet that it comes out after Q's passing, when she can't be around for a worldwide audience to learn her story and hear her music, it feels more unfair, as it was when she was trying to get signed as an artist and continually rejected. I'm glad that Aridjis made this film, as it was important to share Q's voice and her incredible story.
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